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Fort Worth Star-Telegram
April 11, 1999
Section: HOMETOWN STAR-SOUTH
Edition: ARLINGTON AM
Page: 2

What if men ruled the world?
Ryan Sanders
Star-Telegram Writer

Last week, one of my editors and his wife celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary - the platinum anniversary. I tried to think of anything I would want that's made of platinum. A platinum golf club?

No. It would probably be too stiff. A platinum tool box? Plastic works just fine. How about a platinum screwdriver? No, better save that one for the military. Maybe a platinum big screen TV? Sounds like a bit much.

Of course, when I asked my wife, she rattled off a platinum wish list, starting with jewelry. I considered other anniversary gifts - silver, diamonds, linen, lace. All materials that my wife values more than I do.

All of that brought me to this conclusion - the anniversary list is sexist. Sure, it seems innocent with stuff like wood and steel until you consider what's not on the list.

Why is there is no duct tape anniversary? How about graphite?

There should definitely be a graphite anniversary.

If men had compiled the anniversary list, husbands wouldn't have to beat the bushes for a gift made of coral or jade. We could shop thoughtfully and selflessly for our Gore-Tex anniversary.

In fact, my wife would be amazed at how thoughtful I could be if our next anniversary was to be celebrated with fiberglass or Freon.

Yes, I think a new anniversary list could save marriages everywhere.

No more glass, crystal or china. We'll buy cordura, remote controls and WD-40. And for the really big years like 25 or 50, we can proclaim the electronics anniversary and the internal combustion anniversary.

Dogs will replace perfume. Satellite TV will bump ivory. And explosives will blast pottery.

Appropriately, it was my wife who grounded my high-flying anniversary dreams. When I asked her to fax me a list of anniversary gifts (she carries one in her day planner), her cover sheet made me realize why women have gotten away with a sexist list for so long.

It read, "Now that you have the list, I'll be expecting some things. ... It looks to me like you have a little catching up to do."

They wrote the list, because they make the rules.

posted by Unknown  # 5:31 PM