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Divorce Story - Star-Telegram
Fort Worth Star-Telegram (TX)
| February 13, 2000 Section: HOMETOWN STAR-NORTH Edition: ARLINGTON Page: 12 Ryan Sanders Star-Telegram Staff Writer |
"Churches weren't real supportive," she said. "It's not that they were turning their back, they just didn't know what to do." Now her church knows exactly what to do with her - let her teach. Kidwell's problem was her divorce. She had been married for 24 years when her husband surprised her by asking for a divorce. Not sure where to turn, Kidwell said her church in Fort Worth didn't offer any ministry for divorced people. But a year after her divorce, the church started a support group and Kidwell signed up. "Divorce was becoming quite common," she said. "Once churches started realizing that they had a real group to minister to inside their churches, organizations like DivorceCare came about." DivorceCare is the name of a popular Christian divorce counseling program used at Fielder Road. Participants meet every week to watch videotapes and then discuss topics like anger, loneliness, finances, new relationships and child care. "It's very intense, but very enjoyable," Kidwell said. "The people on the tapes are very graphic sometimes. Sometimes it's stuff you don't think is going to come from a church, but it does because this is real life." Now, Kidwell helps Dennis and Elizabeth Nixon lead the DivorceCare class. The Nixons, both of whom have been divorced before, have taught the class for seven years. They've been married for 25. "We really have a passion for it," Elizabeth Nixon said. "There is just so much pain. It's a real blessing to us to be able to help." Kidwell said the blessing she's thankful for is her church's attitude toward divorced members. "We have had people tell us that they were asked to leave churches. They were told, 'You're a bad influence on the rest of the membership and we would just as soon you find another church,' " she said. "And now they're at Fielder Road because we don't have that attitude. Our pastor has the attitude that everyone has a problem, and we want to minister to that problem." Of course, Fielder Road isn't the only church that offers divorce ministries. Pantego Bible Church offers the same 13-week DivorceCare course twice a year. "It really helped me," said Don Taylor, a former DivorceCare student who now leads the class. "I went through a divorce in '96 and I was in denial. I went to the class and finally started dealing with it." Taylor and Kidwell said that's the response most people have to divorce. "A lot of people won't admit that they're angry. They won't admit they've been hurt," Kidwell said. "What happens in the class is that we bring those issues to light. It's not that we want them to hurt, but to be aware so they don't go into other relationships carrying this baggage. "That's what we hear so many times, 'I never healed from my first divorce.' " Kidwell said her group is seeing more and more students from second or third divorces. They're also seeing more people whose spouses left to be with someone of the same sex. "We get people from all walks of life," she said. "We get ministers' wives, doctors, lawyers, housewives, street people, even marriage counselors." To encourage his students to open up, Taylor said he closes enrollment in the program after the third week of the class. The program at Fielder Road, on the other hand, accepts students at any point in their 10-week course. The program at Fielder Road also offers concurrent programs for children and youth. Kathy Arroyo said the DivorceCare program helped her a lot when she took it in 1996, but her children weren't in the class and she worried about their healing. So she asked the church to let her start a ministry to children of divorced parents that would meet at the same time as DivorceCare. "The kids need help, too," she said. "They perceive a lot more at times than we think. I know one little boy about a year ago whose mom said he was the only kid in his class at school from a single-parent home. After his first class here, he came out and said, 'Mom, there's kids just like me.' " Arroyo said the children do hands-on activities that help them talk about their feelings. "They're play therapy techniques," she said. "We always tie in crafts, snacks and stories. We talk about what to do when we are afraid. We try to rebuild communication between the parent and child. We tell them, 'When you want a hug, you may have to ask your mom.' " That's not too different from what the adults learn. "When you go through a divorce, you sort of go through another adolescence," Kidwell said. "You go back and discover who you are. Divorce knocks the props out from under you. You have to go back and kind of start over. "Society doesn't feel like you've hurt anything, but the Bible tells us that our souls join when we marry, and when we divorce there is a ripping of souls. That's why it hurts so bad. It's not the thing to do, just to get back in the saddle. There is healing to do." F.Y.I. Fielder Road Baptist Church 2011 S. Fielder Road (817) 460-2234 DivorceCare classes meet on Sunday evenings from 6 to 8 p.m. in the Family Life Center. Pantego Bible Church 2203 W. Park Row Dr. (817) 274-1315 DivorceCare classes meet on Sunday evenings from 6 to 8 p.m. in room 108 at the church. For more information, call Don Taylor at (817) 557-1063 or Micki Breedlove at (817) 466-2810. |
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| Copyright 2000 Star-Telegram, Inc. |
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